The things estate agents say.

I collect estate agents flyer's. It tells me who's doing what and where, and I've been collecting them for the last 3 years. I have hundreds. Some I like, they are well written and others are so bad its hard not to laugh.

Some are great quality but don't really say anything, others are just down right dower, lacking in imagination with the worst of them littered with spelling mistakes and bad grammar. But what they all have in common is that they are asking for your business.

Naturally what my competitors are doing is of great interest to me. As Sun Tzu said "In order to defeat your enemy, first you must know them". Well a flyer can tell you a lot about the company asking for your business. It may say more to me as I'm inside the industry, but to an unsuspecting owner or landlord the flyer's are tailored to effect a response. Either 1) Getting a call or 2) The bin. (The latter preferred).

So lets have a look at some agency jargon and what it actually means;

Apologies for this unannounced mail shot...

I'm not really apologising for this mail shot.

We have let a substantial number of apartments in this development...

We may have rented one or two here or there, but we want more property.

Do you want to sell or rent your property within 10 days?..

Well, we'll give it a go. But if we don't, we'll find some excuses as to why we didn't do it.

25% reduction on fees. £200 reward on completion...

We are desparate!

5% full management to you our landlord...

We're cheap. So is our service.

Due to client demand we now need your property...

If we have your property, we have a chance of selling it, or renting it.

Mr M is looking for a property in your road...

There is no Mr M. But it gets a foot in the door.

We have over 20 years of experience...

Let me quickly count up how many staff I have and how long they've been here.


The above isnt always the case, but what has worked when it is true will work when it isn't. This is an area that I don't struggle with, because I won't do these types of flyers or make these statements as I hate this kind of speak. Anything the others do, I will do something else. Or nothing, well not nothing, but we look after the people we do business with and concentrate on doing the basics brilliantly. 90% of our landlords come via recommendations, so we dont need to talk a load of nonesense to make our point. We all ready made it.

Energy Performance Certificates

Honestly, what a waste of money! Well it is and it isn't. It is if you're paying a small price for one, but like anything, you pay for what you get.

To set the scene, all you need if you want to become an energy assessor is; zero experience in property and about £2k for the course. After which you sit a test and hey presto! With a shake of the hand and a shiny new certificate you are now certified to do EPC's.

We have been through 3 assessors so far and we are only 1 month in to needing them for rental properties. Why so many? Well, I was unhappy with the results with two of them and just knew they were wrong. The 3rd chap it turned out (I hadn't met) but didn't turn up as agreed and then called to say it was his birthday and wasn't coming!!

So we are now onto our 4th assessors and I'm happy. Whats important is that your assessor knows property and understands how new build is constructed and what NHBC category it complies to. So a surveyor is really the best option. My point here is that I was valuing a property last week for rental when the EPC assessor turned up (not my recommendation) in a battered leather jacket and looking like he had been dragged through a hedge backwards. He had no idea how to draw the floor plan in order to get the correct square footage and knew nothing about the Combined Heat and Power system. The up shot was yet another incorrect certificate.

What is important here, is that the EPC is valid for 10 years. Most tenants don't even know that one is required, but soon they will be savvy about the EPC and will demand to see how efficient a property is. When this happens, if your property is very efficient but your EPC has been poorly carried out your property will sit on the market because the cost of heating and lighting will be perceived as too expensive.

A good EPC will start from £79 for a one bedroomed apartment, rising to £140 for a 3 bedroomed house. My advice is don't skimp on a few quid for a small saving as it will give you a big loss in the years to come.